I know some of you wonder where I disappear to. I'll be really active here at AR and then I won't be around for a week or more. I'm a pretty private person a
nd blogging is already somewhat of a stretch for me. That being said, it's sometimes just hard to share the hard parts of your life.
Last week Maude died. Maude was my mother-in-law for 20 years. She had only one child and I am married to him. Maude would have been 97 this October. She still lived in the house that she and Joe bought 59 years ago. Now, Joe lives there alone.
Joe is 96. He really has no business living in this house alone.The house is south of Cleveland, Ohio. That's a good 9 hour drive from Nashville. It has 2 bedrooms and only one bath. All of these things are up a very steep flight of stairs. The washer and dryer are in the basement. Not that he was using them. We have suggested assisted living arrangements and possible in-house services. He is of sound mind and doesn't want to be told what to do. Neither would I probably. But when do you step in and say "you just can't live here by yourself anymore."?
I'll miss Maude. I can't be too sad. She lived at home until a month ago. She was almost 97 and had a good live. She wasn't ill. Didn't have a prolonged illness. Many don't have it this good.
Anyway, if I'm not here, it's usually some prolonged family issue and I'm not focused. It's not that I don't think of you. Thanks for reading.
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Connie, sorry to hear about your loss...
I am sorry that you are going threw this, I know you are tying to focus on the positives things but sometimes you need a good cry. I wish you luck and my prayers are with you and family in this time of need. I know all will work out it just takes time.
Connie, Kind thoughts to you and your family at this time, so sorry for your loss.
Never ready to lose a close loved one and so sorry for your family loss. No words help and often they make it worse when folks go on and on to try to explain how you should feel, how this and that which can make you angry. And just wanting to avoid them altogether.
Connie - I'm happy that your mother-in-law didn't suffer, if only all of us could be so lucky! It still hurts, though, that I know only too well. But when do you step in and say "you just can't live here by yourself anymore."? That's a very good question. I'm dealing with that right now with my mother-in-law. The best to you and your family, I hope everything works out fine.
Sweetie, I am so sorry for your loss. Sending a virtual hug and kiss your way. Love, C.
Michael - Thank you. Not something I really wanted to blog about but everyone wonders why I go MIA.
Ken - The hardest part was calling the people who would want to know and having to tell it over and over.
Wanda - Thank you, prayers are always appreciated.
Andrew - Last year I lost my wonderful aunt at 100. I had just spoken to her and we were planning lunch. Like Maude, she had lived a long wonderful life. It's never a good day to happen but God doesn't promise that they can stay forever.
Cynthia - Many people I know are dealing with the same issue. It's so hard when they're half way across the country. And driving at that age... Don't get me started. :) Good luck to you with your mother-in-law.
Carolyn - I'm feeling them! :) GBU
It is really difficult to deal with the loss of a loved one in public, especially when you are a private person. I understand that it took a lot for you to post this and I hope it helped you a little. Other than that, all I can offer you is my sincerest condolences and hope that your family and friends are surrounding you with love right now.
~Emcee
Connie, I'm sorry for your loss. It sounds like she was a nice lady. As for your father in law, I always say, put yourself in his shoes. What would you want done if i were you> Also, what is truly best for him? If forcing him into assisted living would put a lot of stress on him, it may be better to work with him to stay for a bit longer. Good luck with it. It's a difficult decision to have to make.
Connie, May peace and love surround and comfort you. I am sorry for your loss.
I'm sorry for the loss to you and your husband... And to answer your question, it is one that your FiL has to find for himself. My grandmother took a while to come to that decision, and her aunt never reached that conclusion.
Connie, I am so sorry for your loss of Maude. I know you all are in a difficult time with your father in law. I can certainly understand his reluctance to move, that is home. I will be praying for a good decision for him.
Oh Connie, I hate to hear about all this! It's been rough through my Dad's illness (still in the hospital!) but we haven't really had to face making any difficult decisions yet. You are all in my prayers!
So sorry to read about the loss of Maude. I know you hate to think of Joe living in the house all by himself. I don't think there are any easy answers to your dilemma. I am sure that before long I will be facing it myself with my parents. I am sure with the prayers and help of friends you will get through this. Thanks for sharing and allowing us a chance to know about Maude and Joe.
Emcee - Thank you. I feel like I owe it to those who keep up with me to let them know where I've been. It is, indeed hard. But it's ok.
Rich - I couldn't agree with you more. I did a lot of research on line about assisted living facilities both there and here, close to us. I also got the information on dial-a-ride for seniors, meals-on-Wheels AND this cool chair by Acorn that could carry him up and down the stairs. I worry about him falling on them.
Marilyn - Very sweet of you to stop by. Thank you!
Missy - like I said to Rich, above, I've gathered the information and am now giving him some "space" so he can look at it and hopefully make a decision.
Anne - I can't believe your Dad is STILL in the hospital. I'm so sorry. I haven't asked about him in several weeks.
Mike - Thanks. It's part of life. God designed it and we have to live with it. We're at the age that many of us have the same, or similar issues with parents. it's difficult. We'll get through it. :)
Lane - Thank you. Sorry I missed you there. I agree, he'll have to figure it out. Just trying to help him make a good decision (which would be to move closer to us. LOL) without pushing him.
Hi Roomie,
I am so sorry about your Maude. I know your father-in-law will ultimately make the right decision; it just takes some time to make such a drastic change. Just remember, you do what you can and because he is of sound mind, you've done what you can. We're going through the same thing with Ray's father right now too and since he's lived in his home for so very long, I can completely understand his desire to stay-put; we just worry about his safety.
Hugs to you and I hope how soon your life is back to 'normal' (if there is such a thing any more)!
Really, Roomie, what is normal? LOL Yes, Joe's been in that house 59 years. I also understand not wanting to leave it. Thankfully the house Jim and I just bought has 1 step in and out throughout. I'm going to go ahead and make the shower door "handicap accessible" since I have to change it anyway. We'll probably be the same way if we're still living in 40 years!
I'm sorry for your loss, and especially for Joe! It brought a tear to my eye rememberring how my great grandfather was once my great grandmother passed away.
Thanks for sharing such a personal side. I'll pray for you and Joe today!
Jeremy - Very kind of you. I've spoken to Joe since we returned. He just sounds so lonely.
Connie, sending you & Jim hugs. Such a hard time isn't it? Wish I were closer to help... You're right in taking things slow. Just know you're all in our thoughts and prayers.
Pam - You're always so sweet and supportive. I wish Medina wasn't so far away! It should be against the law for elderly parents to live more than an hour away. :)