Nashville Tennessee Living


You can Solicit the Family of the Deceased, but be a little more Professional

You can Solicit the Family of the Deceased, but be a little more Professional

Within a week of Burying my Father I received a letter from a Realtor in the City where we've filed to Probate his Estate. What were you Thinking?

The letter started off fine: "May I offer my condolences on the recent loss of your loved one, as this may be a difficult time for both you and your family." It then went on to SELL me on all of his qualifications and the tools that he uses to market a property to assure me the top retail price in the shortest marketing time.

There was an additional page with the 12 Important Questions for your next Realtor.

"Really", I thought. Being the grieving "loved one", my first thought was what a Bottom Feeder, as I tossed the letter into the circular file.

But then I gave it more thought. We have to prospect for business. Why not look for people settling estates who are from out of state? They probably have to sell the Real Estate to close Probate.

So what would I have said?

I might have continued on with...

You may or may not be ready to think about what to do with the Real Estate. I just want you to know that I am here if you need someone, local, who can answer questions for you.


Once again, I am so sorry for your loss.




Connie Harvey



What do YOU think?

Less pushy but still totally available.

All your contact information should be on your letterhead, including your website and your blog. They can check you out when the time is right for them.

In MY opinion, you can Solicit the Family of the Deceased, but be a little more Professional.


Connie Harveyis a local agent with Pilkerton Realtors, serving home buyers and sellers in Nashville, TN, Brentwood TN, and Franklin TN. Let her help you realize your Real Estate goals. She can be reached at 615-371-2474.

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Comment balloon 64 commentsConnie Harvey • April 23 2012 01:21PM


I like your response better

Posted by Raymond E. Camp, Licensed Real Estate Salesperson Greater Rochester (Howard Hanna Real Estate Services) about 8 years ago

Raymond - I've gotten several more solicitations. None very acceptable to me.

Posted by Connie Harvey, Realtor - Nashville TN Real Estate (Pilkerton Realtors) about 8 years ago

I know of another agent in my area that goes after people getting divorced. No idea what that letter says, but she gets a lot of business her way from that. I do agree with Raymond, I like your response better, too.

Posted by Carla Harbert, RE/MAX Omega, Brunswick Ohio (Full Time REALTOR in Ohio) about 8 years ago

Carla - We have to prospect. I get that. But use some taste for heaven's sake.

Posted by Connie Harvey, Realtor - Nashville TN Real Estate (Pilkerton Realtors) about 8 years ago

Good letter.  We just had an elderly neighbor pass a way, and we do not really know his family at all.  We were just talking about should we send something since we really know the neighborhood.  Your letter hits just the right tone.

Posted by Leslie G. Rojohn, GRI, ABR ~ MoonDancer Realty (MoonDancer Realty) about 8 years ago

Leslie - Especially since you were a neighbor. It's polite but not agressive. Out of town relative have a ton to deal with and often don't even know where to start.

Posted by Connie Harvey, Realtor - Nashville TN Real Estate (Pilkerton Realtors) about 8 years ago

Hi Connie.  I know its business for some, however, its an area I won't touch. It makes me uncomfortable for the same reason you stated...I might say the wrong thing. 

Posted by Cheryl Thomson REALTOR Army Ret, Associate Broker in Northern Virginia ( United Real Estate (703.216.5635) about 8 years ago

In my opinion, such a solicitation should be prohibited unless you personally know the deceased and member of the immediate family. The condolence message should be restricted to just that, condolences. The information on your letterhead will provide contact info.

What would be even more palatable would be to network with the local probate attorney's. Make sure that they know of you and your service and reputation. An endorsement from the family attorney will mean a lot more than a solicitation disguised as a condolence message. If real estate is a profession, then we need to act professionally.

Posted by Cary Sternberg about 8 years ago

Connie, that's a tough one.  I've done a bunch of estate sales, but they call came through attorneys.  Personally, I don't think I'll be heading down that path any time soon.

Posted by Mike Cooper, GRI, Your Neighborhood Real Estate Sales Pro (Cornerstone Business Group Inc) about 8 years ago

Connie- since I'm not a Realtor I don't think I could answer but someone is going to list the house eventually.  I do like your words much better, but then I'm not surprised... you are THE PROFESSIONAL!

Posted by Kathy Streib, Home Stager - Palm Beach County,FL -561-914-6224 (Room Service Home Staging) about 8 years ago

This is difficult, I have had a few former clients pass away and I know they need to sell the estate, however I did not approach the family, it is not how I want to conduct business. 

I am sure there is a way to offer your services, I just could not imagine being that person. 

Posted by John Marshall - FORE!, Specializing in Golf Course Properties (LoKation Real Estate) about 8 years ago

Sometimes there's just no excuse for poor taste. Shame on that agent.

Posted by Donna Yates, Associate Broker, GRI about 8 years ago
My condolences twice! Once for your loss.... Twice for the pushy sales job. I prefer to use SRES to rech out and. Be a resource for seniors. When I do my job in that regard, if the family decides to continue to use me as a resource later down the line, great, but I agree with you in your reaction to the letters!
Posted by Ellie Shorb, Realtor DC, MD & VA Luxury Home Expert (Compass Real Estate) about 8 years ago

I would work closely with funeral homes and curators. They are the first to know and they have a knack for comforting people.


Posted by Chris "The Loan Ranger" McBrearty, NMLS 274079, FHA, VA, USDA, Loan Officer and Educator (People's Mortgage Company) about 8 years ago

Connie...I like your response better and I think a within a week of burial is much too soon.  I do like the idea of networking with probate attorneys in the area & other professionals who may be able to refer business.

Posted by Christine Smith, Exclusive Buyer Agent & Attorney, Canton, MA (Buyers Brokers Only LLC - about 8 years ago

Not a niche market that I would actively pursue. To each his own though.

Posted by Richard Iarossi, Crofton MD Real Estate, Annapolis MD Real Estate (Coldwell Banker Residential Brokerage) about 8 years ago

Ahhhh... since people grieve differently, I think it would be very hard to market effectively in this manner .. it just seems like you will be offending a goodly percentage of people no matter what you do, how you phrase it. 

Posted by Judith Sinnard, The SMARTePLAN Lady (SMARTePLANS; Houston, Texas) about 8 years ago

Connie - sorry to hear about your loss, and how insensitive some people can be! Your version is MUCH warmer and considerate!

Posted by Sharon Lord, New Home Advisor (Maracay Homes) about 8 years ago 35 years, I've never written or called anyone after a death....there's a limit to everything and that's well outside my boundaries..... I'll pass on all of it....

Posted by Barbara Todaro, Marketing Agent for The Todaro Team (RE/MAX Executive Realty ) about 8 years ago

We don't want to be like the personal injury attorneys that stuff our mailboxes the day after a car accident. A general letter, not referencing the loss may work...but still.

I dunno, I've never targeted that type of business has always come through referrals (estate attorneys). 

Posted by Athina Boukas, Certified Residential Specialist (CRS) (Virginia Capital Realty) about 8 years ago

No way.  My husband is really close to his 65th birthday and mixed in with the sales pitch for Medicare supplemental insurance are solicitations for funeral plans.  Really?  Seems a bit scummy to me.  Yes, I used to work for a broker who combed the court records for divorces.  And all of his deals were fraught with drama.  Be careful what you ask for.....

Posted by Jeanne Gregory (RE/MAX Southwest) about 8 years ago


Well written and thought out post and I like the way you were able to improove on his offer as well as being more sensitive to the family!

Posted by Russell Lewis, Broker,CLHMS,GRI (Realty Austin, Austin Texas Real Estate) about 8 years ago

I have had this discussion before.. it does sound a bit too predatory for my taste. I just don't have it in me.. I would like the probate attorney avenue myself.. that seems a bit more my style. unless of course i knew the family... and then, i would still be very careful.. especially if they know i'm in real estate. I would think that they would contact me if they wanted my advice..


Posted by Janis Borgueta, LIC RE Salesperson (Key Properties of the Hudson Valley ) about 8 years ago


Your responce is great.  I would be more apt to hold on to that card and call on the Realtor when the time was right. Have you ever watched Two and a half men, Evelyn, the mother is a Realtor and she has no scrupples what so ever.  The letter kind of reminded me of her.

Posted by Cindy Edwards, CRS, GRI, PMN - Northeast Tennessee - 423-677-6677 (RE/MAX Checkmate) about 8 years ago

I think it's fine to solicit the family, but I agree that I like your response better. I would be interested to know what kind of business such a solicitation gets. I think I would initially react like you did, consider it like an "ambulance chaser", but then logically thinking about it, it makes sense.


Posted by Mel Ahrens, MBA, Kelly Right Real Estate, Customized Choices for your Real Estate Needs (Kelly Right Real Estate) about 8 years ago


I think you have a great point here.  Folks are already dealing with so much.  Being greedy at their expense isn't likely to inspire business. 

All the best, Michelle

Posted by Michelle Francis, Realtor, Buckhead Atlanta Homes for Sale & Lease (Tim Francis Realty LLC) about 8 years ago

Connie, I would never ever never ever send out letters to a family that had recently had a death.. been on the other end.  

Posted by 1~Judi Barrett, BS Ed, Integrity Real Estate Services -IDABEL OK (Integrity Real Estate Services 118 SE AVE N, Idabel, OK 74745) about 8 years ago

I work with some probate attorneys, too.  I am not sure if I would be willing to risk offending the recently bereaved.  I know that if they needed someone though I would love to help them out because I have seen quite a few out of town people settle estates for far less than I knew they were worth.  Food for thought.  Thanks for your insight.  And, as always, know that I am still thinking about you, your family, and that wonderful Gene!

Posted by Suzanne McLaughlin, Sabinske & Associates, Realtor (Sabinske & Associates, Inc. (Albertville, St. Michael)) about 8 years ago

Much better than the letter you received.  I like Suzanne's comment about working with probate attorneys.  I know of several realtors in our area that attend every funeral they can.......very tacky!

Posted by Kay Van Kampen, Realtor®, Springfield Mo Real Estate (RE/MAX Broker, RE/MAX) about 8 years ago

I definately like your approach better.  I am not sure I would go after this business, but if you are comfortable then I would move forward.

Posted by Joan Whitebook, Consumer Focused Real Estate Services (BHG The Masiello Group) about 8 years ago

Connie: My sister just lost her son whose condo she is inheriting - and wants to keep for now. How awful if she had gotten a solicitation letter couched in a message of condolence from a complete stranger. If you KNOW the bereaved, how about sending a letter of condolence (no words about selling) with a business card. That would not be as tasteless.

Posted by Hella Mitschke Rothwell, Hawaii & California Real Estate Broker ((831) 626-4000) about 8 years ago

Connie, so sorry for your loss. I'm with you, I think he's a bottom-feeder and not someone I would want to do business with.

Posted by Tammie White, Broker, Franklin TN Homes for Sale (Franklin Homes Realty LLC) about 8 years ago

Yes there is prospecting but there is also sensitivity, which I suspect will be more effective. I had a seller I helped to sell her Dad's home a year after he passed. She told me that literally the day he died in the home she had 2 agents contacting her, and she lived out of the area. She was not impressed.

Your response is one that respects what the family is going through vs. looking out for oneself. I wonder which type of agent most would choose?


Posted by Jeff Dowler, CRS, The Southern California Relocation Dude (eXp Realty of California) about 8 years ago

Connie - I think you've found a subtle way to communicate with the family without being offensive.

Posted by Christine Donovan, Broker/Attorney 714-319-9751 DRE01267479 - Costa M (Donovan Blatt Realty) about 8 years ago

Connie, thanks for the perspective on this situation, I am sorry for your loss.

In the past I have stayed far away from situations like this and also avoided potential clients who are very old (unless their children can be with us every step of the way). Both of these situations are ripe for misunderstandings that can severely injure your reputation.

Posted by Bob Crane, Forestland Experts! 715-204-9671 (Woodland Management Service / Woodland Real Estate, Keller Williams Fox Cities) about 8 years ago

I've been with survivors of deceased ( people I knew), and once the phone rang 3 times in less than 1 hour. They were calls from agents. The last lady I was with when this happened couldn't believe it. These 3 agents happen to be scum based on their approaches. Not a word about her dead husband, just said they noticed her husband died and asked if she planned on selling thier house. Agents have no idea what's in the will, how title is held, if she had rights of survivorship, were they leaving house to one of their kids, etc. All they showed an interest in was getting that listing. Nothing else mattered. She didn't answer the last 2 calls, just let them go to voicemail. We could listen to the " agents" leaving their sales pitch messages, and it sounded like a couple new agents reading from a script. Just pathetic.

 If I would contact a surviving spouse, the last thing I would do is jump right in to pressuring him/her for a listing. It would make more sense to me to send a card, and maybe a guide on people and companies to notify when you lose a spouse like doctors, dentist, post office, social security, banks, etc.

Posted by Jeff Pearl, Full Service Full Time Realtor (RE/MAX Distinctive / LIC in VA) about 8 years ago

I used to work with a guy I called the undertaker. He would follow around the funeral procession in the neighborhood and then send out post card saying his condolences..oh and by the way are you thinking of selling?..right after the funeral!

Posted by Neal Bloom, Realtor CRS-Weston FL Real Estate (Brokered by eXp Realty LLC) about 8 years ago

I definitely like your response better! Not sure this pursuit is for everyone but you've certainly offered an approach that is less "cheesy".

Posted by Brenda Mayette, Getting results w/ knowledge & know-how! (Miranda Real Estate Group, Inc.) about 8 years ago

Connie, first, let me add my condolences.  Your dad sounds like a great man.  I agree with Hella, perhaps sending a condolence card with your business card inside might not be as crass.  They can check you out on the web if they want to pursue that course of action.

Posted by Ron Marshall, Birdhouse Builder Extraordinaire (Marshall Enterprises) about 8 years ago

Cheryl - I may look at it differently if it wasn't happening to me personally.

Cary - Networking is always the best. The attorney, banker, or any of the people who will be contacted can easily say "and if you need a Realtor, I can make a good recommendation".

Mike - Me either. :)

Kathy - Things need to be done with good taste.

John - It's a tough call. Where is the line of proper behavior.

Donna - I couldn't agree more. I have this guy who sent me 2 letters to "purchase" the property, and now he's calling me. Don't you know he wants to "give me a fair price". LOL

Posted by Connie Harvey, Realtor - Nashville TN Real Estate (Pilkerton Realtors) about 8 years ago

Connie- I agree your perspective changes when you find your self in that situation.  Having recently lost a close family member-I would not have entertained the solicitation from that Realtor.  Probate takes several months to clear-perhaps the timing woul dbe better then not immediately following the death announcement.  Just a thought.

Posted by Allison Stewart, St. Cloud Fl Realtor, Osceola County Real Estate 407-616-9904 (St.Cloud Homes ) about 8 years ago

Connie, your approach is definitely preferable, but I'm not sure I could go there at all.  Also, in this age of the Internet, I think it is more likely for out-of town family members needing an agent to just google agents in the town and make contact with those whose online presence they like.  I know that I would not react well to this type of solicitation.

Posted by Marti Steele Kilby, CRS, Broker/Owner, San Diego, CA (Steele Group Realty) about 8 years ago

Ellie - Thank you. I love your comment. What is SRES?

Chris - I hadn't really thought of the Funeral business. I think people are still in too much shock at that time to even think of Real Estate.

Christine - I do think that there are definitely some great opportunities through networking.

Richard - Not my niche either. :)

Judith - You're probably right. I guess that's why I don't do it.

Sharon - I wasn't offended about being contacted, only the manner in which it was done.

Barbara - I've never done it either. Even when I knew the person.

Athina - Referrals are always best. They want to talk to you at that point.

Posted by Connie Harvey, Realtor - Nashville TN Real Estate (Pilkerton Realtors) about 8 years ago

I like how you would have handled this prospecting letter better than how it was actually written.  I  can't imagine feeling good about a sales pitch when you've just lost a loved one.

Posted by Chris Ann Cleland, Associate Broker, Bristow, VA (Long and Foster REALTORS®, Gainesville, VA) about 8 years ago

Jeanne - Divorces are the worst. Who needs all that drama? It's hard enough with normal people.

Russel - Being in the middle of it, I could think it through.

Janis - Yes, even if you know the family you have to wait and let them lead the discussion.

Cindy - I don't watch it but I've heard it's really funny. I'll bet she's a hoot.

Gretchen - I just think that there is a line that you cross over when you're too aggressive.

dfg dsg - Thanks for the Spam. Not.

Michelle - It's a fine line.

Judi - Being on the other end is what inspired this.

Suzanne - Thank you. Friends like you have really been what's helped me through this. Lots of love and support that I feel daily.

Posted by Connie Harvey, Realtor - Nashville TN Real Estate (Pilkerton Realtors) about 8 years ago
No thanks. IMHO...If you do not know the family or the deceased, a letter is tacky. If you know them, a sympathy card is appropriate.
Posted by Joni Bailey, Your Huntsville / Lake Livingston Area REALTOR® (101 Main St. Realty) about 8 years ago

I would like to tell you that I am sorry for your loss as well.  You have had a tough 2012.  As far as that agent goes, I would keep him in the circular file. 

Posted by Don Sabinske, Sabinske & Associates Inc. (Don Sabinske, Sabinske & Associates Inc.) about 8 years ago

Too agressive for me. We had a agent years ago that visited the funeral homes. He did pick up a lot of business this way but it may have been business he would have gotten anyway.

Posted by Debbie Reynolds, Your Dedicated Clarksville TN Real Estate Agent (Platinum Properties) about 8 years ago

Hi Connie, this is a tough situation. My sincerest condolences to you.  Agents send out letters for all  of life's issues, what makes this is a bad one? I like your response better. And even you after thinking about it was not offended.

Posted by Sandy Acevedo, RE/MAX Masters, Inland Empire Homes for Sale (951-290-8588) about 8 years ago

Yes, that first letter you received was tacky and the wrong approach. As I got much older and my friends and relatives started to die and I found the loved ones needed some kind of help from day one, and I started to offer it, not the meaningless if I can do anything for you let me know speech.

Yes, die is OK, you don't need to sugar coat everything with passed on, crossed to the other side, returned home, or the other dozens of ways of saying someone died, that is what happened, they died) I found that a persons business affairs were more often then not in disarray. And help was often welcome and expertise did not usually exist in the group of heirs and some times when it did the other heirs needed protection from that heir.

So being there to help, and I really mean help is a great service, but do the right thing, help them, do not be narrowly focused on just getting an immediate listing, instead maybe you will get a listing if it is the best thing for them to do, and if it isn't tell them so. You need not be an ambulance chaser or one of the other terms used, you can be a counselor and adviser and a major help and many times it will be free, but if your going to give away your time and effort make it one of these people, you will feel good about it. Helping someone without a clue at a difficult time is a good cause.

Stay away from deaths and probates if your not going to do the right thing. As for probate attorneys two of my offices were inbuildings full of attorneys, every office but mine, and the consensus was being a probate attorney was having a license to steal, and I saw a ton of actual cases where that happened, you may have read of some, so one of your offerings might be to recommend a probate attorney, or two, they can trust.

My father in law was a met life agent for 45 years and one Sunday at dinner he said to me you know the number one regret of surviving spouses that he met later was selling the home because of pressure from friends and relatives. I didn't work probates but I had my assistant send those people a letter with my father in laws story and suggested they give it some thought. I would get nasty calls not from the surviving spouse, they were often grateful and said so, I didn't follow-up for business, just that first letter. Who I got nasty calls from were heirs with their own motives and I didn't hesitate to ask them what they were up to, and they were sorry they made the call, those were the only people I followed up on by stopping by the survivors home and asking if my letter had upset them and to apologize if it did. Surprise, none were offended or upset and the trigger was heirs having their plans interfered with.

Posted by Brian Park about 8 years ago

Yep, your response is much better. It's a really delicate situation.

Posted by Lyn Sims, Schaumburg Real Estate (RE/MAX Suburban) about 8 years ago

In reading all of these responses, the one thing that keeps popping up is to work through a probate attorney.  The problem I see with that is that in a small town, for instance, there may only be a half dozen attys. who do probate work.  There are thousands of families in the county. The probate lawyers inevitably have one or two Realtors they work with over and over again. That leaves everyone else without any chance of referral and the families without any chance of meeting up with some very good Realtors who may have just not gotten in with the in crowd of attorneys.

I like Connie's sensitive but definative offer of help and just as a way to let people know you're out there. I'm not saying it would apply to every instance but it is a good approach in some cases.

Posted by Leslie G. Rojohn, GRI, ABR ~ MoonDancer Realty (MoonDancer Realty) about 8 years ago
I am sorry for your loss ...these are about the best words I have heard to communicate the loss. Some comments leave you worse off than if nothing were said. I understand.
Posted by Cheryl Ritchie, Southern Maryland 301-980-7566 (RE/MAX Leading Edge about 8 years ago

Kay - I can't even imagine! OMGosh, more that just tacky.

Joan - Not my cup of tea. I just thought if you wanted to go after it, do it in a better way.

Hella - Losing a child is the worst possible thing. Part of me says "just leave us alone!"

Tammy - Thank you.

Jeff - We most of us know who we don't want to do business with.

Christine - Thanks

Bob - I stay away from them too. Who needs the grief.

Posted by Connie Harvey, Realtor - Nashville TN Real Estate (Pilkerton Realtors) about 8 years ago


I will admit I think about this and how to do, yet I (and maybe to my demise) DO NOT mention anything about real estate at all while the grieving is in play.  about 50% of the time someone whom I am connected to will say, We will call you about so-and-so's home once we get through the funeral......that is enough for me.

I will send something to let them know I am still thinking of them and their loved one, at the earliest 2-3 weeks after all is done, yet again do not mention the property.

Posted by Daniel J. Brudnok, REALTOR, SRES, e-PRO,ABR,GREEN,CSP (Berkshire Hathaway Home Services Fox & Roach, REALTORS - Exton - PA License #RS-225179-L / Delaware License #RS-0025038) about 8 years ago

Valerie - It went to the basket alright. And all the others too.

Jeff - Every situation is different, and people need to be more sensitive.

Neal - Talk about ambulance chasers! Yikes.

Brenda - It's funny, being on the receiving end of the solicitation it really makes you think.

Ron - Thank you. He was a great guy.

Allison - It does take time but you can't close probate until the property is sold too. I think a little more time in between might have helped.

Marti - I really didn't like it at all. Thankfully I have a very dear friend in Columbus who is a Realtor.

Chris Ann - You're already numb and my thought was "Really?"

Posted by Connie Harvey, Realtor - Nashville TN Real Estate (Pilkerton Realtors) about 8 years ago

Joni -Couldn't agree with you more!

Don - Thank you so much. God never gives us more than we can handle.

Debbie -I can't even imagine. But we're all made differently.

Sandy - It just is what it is. I tossed it.

Brian - You're right. It's the heirs who are scary. Thankfully we're pretty much on the same page.

Lyn - I just looked at it from how I felt receiving the letter.

Leslie - I can see where it would be more difficult in that situation.

Cheryl - Sometimes it's all you can say. And often enough, it's the best received.

Dan - Very appropriate.

Posted by Connie Harvey, Realtor - Nashville TN Real Estate (Pilkerton Realtors) about 8 years ago

Connie, I'm sorry for the loss of your Dad. I remember how I felt when I lost mine. I recall my Mom getting calls from agents and I remember her telling them off for lacking any kindness or consideration. I do not prospect tragedies. It's that simple. Congratulations on this feature post!

Posted by Emily Medvec, Realtor | Serving Santa Fe & Northern NM (eXp Realty LLC) about 8 years ago

I'm sure its already been said but too tired to read 61 comments. I'd send a card with condolensces and hand write "When you are ready to talk about estate information I'm available" or something to that effect. Its more personal to send a card.

Posted by Cathy Criado, Making Real Estate Profitable (Criado Realty ) about 8 years ago

Connie  I only read half of your post 0 that was enough for me.  In 36 years I have not and have not considered reading and soliciting off the obituary column

Posted by Karen Kruschka, - "My Experience Isn't Expensive - It's PRICELESS" (RE/MAX Executives) about 8 years ago

Emily - Thank you. It's been a roller coaster of emotions these past few weeks.

Cathy - Almost anything would have been better than how they handled it.

Karen - Me either. It's just not our style.

Posted by Connie Harvey, Realtor - Nashville TN Real Estate (Pilkerton Realtors) about 8 years ago

There is a lot of business there and I know those same people send letters to the divorce files. It is a hard topic to approach, but someone has to do it. (Right now, that isn't me)


Posted by Respect Realty LLC, Brokers - Oregon / SW Washington Real Estate (Respect Realty LLC) about 8 years ago

Todd - Being the person that received the letter really made it clear to me. Not anything I want to do either.

Posted by Connie Harvey, Realtor - Nashville TN Real Estate (Pilkerton Realtors) about 8 years ago

Hi I sent out a condolence and got a bad review how would you respond.

Posted by Jessica almost 3 years ago